October 14, 2006
Last week I celebrated my 69th birthday with a party that included six children ages 5 to 12. The day came bearing feelings of delight and gratitude that it came at all, and it was beautiful. I constructed a Treasure Hunt for the children that took them down one path after another through the pasture and forest. Watching them running ahead of us looking for the next clue and observing their delight at the final discovery of the treasure provided a wonderful allegory for life; their exuberance and energy gave the celebration far more than any quiet gathering could have mustered. The treasure included apples and little animals wrapped in gold paper – the children seemed very pleased and continued onward into the evening in a merry mood which spread to all of us making the party an unqualified success.
This month has been a season of change – Alphie is apparently not morphing into Wonderdog because the trainer says that “he sure has a lot of puppy in him” and “he really is a big dog!” meaning, I think, that he is bounding around with his 100 pounds of unbridled and uncontrolled energy. I assured the trainer that we were not expecting a Lassie but just hoped to have some behavior modification so that we would be able to have dear Alphie meet other people with a modicum of good behavior. We work with him next Tuesday. The colors at Sanctuary have already faded to muted hues, and with the harvesting of the corn and beans, the fields around us are brown. This will become gray as winter advances, and it will take a bright imagination to find beauty there, though the grasses retain some color and texture to provide visual relief.
Another change beginning in November is that Charles will move from the position of Associate Organist at First Plymouth Congregational Church in Lincoln to Organist at First Presbyterian Church just a few blocks away. The new director of music at First Plymouth is planning to go in a different direction with the music program there, and when the position at the Presbyterian Church became available it seemed prudent to take that since it is also a very fine venue for making music with a large and good organ. The city of Lincoln is not big enough to have many of these places to play, so Charles was very pleased at the way things fell into place. I will likely worship at both churches because we made many friends at Plymouth and our children are members there. I will then go to the Presbyterian church for my music “fix” since I am convinced that Charles is the finest presenter of hymnody that I have ever experienced and a splendid player of organ literature as well.
The golden month has arrived and with its beginning we took Alphie off to boarding school to learn to be a perfect dog. I missed him immediately, and Charles conceded that he too missed the dear a bit, though it was quite fine to walk about without fearing the grand lunge that Alphie seemed to practice on him most particularly. Just two days before his first day of school, Alphie removed a 4 by 4 six foot long landscaping timber from beside the path and joyfully hauled it over the bridge and into the pasture. I could not personally lift it, so I kicked it to the side of the path for another day. On the return of our last walk through the forest before departing to the trainer, Alphie picked up the timber and hauled it back over the bridge and into the yard, saving us the trouble. I feel that he was already showing a growing sensitivity in this canine act of kindness to his aging owners. 
Now I walk with a different focus, and yesterday discovered a most wonderful mushroom. I tried to “Google” it but there are so many varieties, I didn’t have the discipline to inspect the 1,900,000+ entries. Most of the concerns seem to be “Is it poisonous or can I eat it?” Do any of you recognise the photo? Have you ever seen a mushroom like it? On the next day, it was gone with just a black circle on the ground around the empty white stem. 
This is my birthday month, and this year I had to renew my driver’s license. Since my eyesight had been growing less keen (to state it mildly) in recent months, I decided to get stronger correction before going for the license because one must read the eye chart there. Charles said that if I couldn’t see what was required, I definitely shouldn’t be on the road. I went to the optometrist and found out that I have a galloping cataract in my left eye, with one in the right eye running along not far behind. I could get some correction for the right eye, but nothing would help the left, and when did I wish to see the eye surgeon? This left me outside the time frame required to get my driver’s license, so I spent a bit of time practicing vigorous squinting so that I might have a prayer of seeing the eye chart. I tried to remain nonchalant because I felt excessive nervousness in such a place might arouse suspicion of much more than just failing eyesight, and thankfully, Charles was right. I passed the test handily because it was very quick and non-demanding. I walked out of there with a mixed feeling of thankfulness at having gotten my license and concern about other drivers out there who can’t see all that well either. The cataract removal event will occur in the near future, and a dear friend tells me that I will be delighted in my new vision.
When the forecasters spoke of winds and rain coming down the plains from the north, we could see the weather on the maps and be true believers. At the walks into the pasture and forest, there was a palpable sense of something coming in the actions of the creatures around. The robins gathered in the top branches of the dead cottonwood on the west side of the pasture, and sitting right below them were seven flickers, an usual sight here. There were innumerable moths of yellow, white and light green moving over the fall blooms, sharing the space with dozens of bumblebees, and no less than eight squirrels were stuffing themselves with sunflower seeds at the feeding stations. I had to think that it requires weather maps and weather experts to inform us while right next to us an entire population of creation is propelled forward by ancient wisdom far too subtle for us to fathom. 
Change is the order of the day. The time has come for the annual trek to the basement storage area to gather clothes designated for fall and winter and exchange them for the white summer pants, short sleeved shirts, and other lightweight favorites. Sadly, I overdid the moth ball bit, and the first garments brought forth carried a scent powerful enough to not only deter moths of all sizes and ages, but possibly able to wilt the flowers in the living room. There is work to be done in this area, or else we will be identified in the next season by people sniffing and saying, “Here come the Ores.” 
In the past three weeks, I watched my blood counts slowly moving downward, and called the oncologist’s office for reassurance that this was not a concern. As I mentioned, I had intended to say that as long as the blood counts were in the normal range, I would dearly like to hold off the ten days of Chemotherapy since the treatment makes me feel generally rotten. Shortly after that determination, the blood went below the “normal” range. Today I had the blood checked again at the oncologist’s office, and it had turned around and the counts were going back up again. Apparently, this downward trend was indeed caused by the chemo, and now, perhaps it will continue to return to the normal levels. I did ask about delaying the next round if possible, and was told that this would be ill advised. Just then, a man came up and said, “Are you Constance?” I said yes, and he said, “I’m the person who has been on Vidaza now since it came out, and I’ve never felt better! I’m the person the doctor told you to call at the beginning of your treatment, and you talked to my wife.” He was beaming with delight. I asked how frequently he had the therapy and he said, “Every four weeks.” “Mercy, what are your side effects?” I asked, “Why, none to speak of,” was his reply, “just some aching in the shoulders now and then.” Though I do try to live according to the commandment, “Thou shalt not covet” I felt a surge of envy at his good fortune, but I congratulated him heartily and commented that he surely should wear a special shirt covered with stars. He smiled even more largely and said, “I had hoped to be on TV by now.” Considering the high incidence of life threatening illness at a cancer clinic, there is an even higher level of joy at happy stories in that place!
Yesterday we marked summer’s end with a party that began in the pasture next to the sumac with its bright red colors made memorable by the setting sun’s light shining from the west. It was a perfect evening for the celebration that said goodbye to one season and hello to the next. How grand it felt to proffer the toast “To Life!” with thanksgiving for the privilege of being present at the onset of another autumn.
Trees are turning gold, grasses and wild flowers are abundant and the blackbirds are gathering in huge flocks that fly into the tree tops with a great clatter of bird communications. (Are they discussing the weather? Who’s in charge? Which way to go?) Today, the first day of fall came in as though it was following the almanac with low, fast clouds dropping a light rain, and winds from the north carrying the restless feeling of something different coming. Our bird community was silent so the forest walk took place to the sound of the wind and an occasional defiant cricket chirp.
Time moves so quickly! I have my blood checked weekly to see if it is holding up and last week’s reading indicated a white blood count dropping to below the normal range. This quite possibly is a result of the chemotherapy, because I am no longer taking injections of Neupogen, but it stayed my hand in writing a letter to the oncologist in which I planned to say, “As long as my blood counts remain in the normal range, I would like to propose holding off with the next round of treatment until such time as it drops, etc., etc.” Perhaps I will say “blood counts remain somewhere near the normal range”. I feel good again, and I am told that I look well by people who see me. Considering that years have gone by when no one commented at all, I can only rejoice at the positive reinforcement.