Writings of Constance Ore ( 1937 – 2010 )

Today is a joyful day! Today is a splendid and wonderful day! Today we went to the oncologist’s office for the blood test, and for the first time, all of the readings were in the normal range. How beautiful is normal! The remission is still in place, and our doctor sat down to discuss how we would move on from here. He had already consulted with the doctor at the Med Center in Omaha who is recognized as an authority on MDS and they concluded that it would be a good thing to have remedial chemotherapy every eight weeks. He explained it this way: There is a material that wraps around the DNA, trapping it in a way that it cannot clone itself, or regenerate the new cells. The Vidaza therapy destroys this material, freeing the DNA to do its task. I appear to have enough stem cells remaining that my blood returned to normal counts. Since the stem cells have been under attack for an unknown amount of time, the number of them remaining is also unknown, so they think the safest route to remaining in remission is to repeat the chemotherapy enough to keep the blood cells at a normal level. The doctors felt that it would not be wise to wait until the blood cell levels dropped again before resuming treatment as that would signal more stem cells may have been destroyed, and bringing everything back would be more difficult. It was again explained to us that only the symptoms can be dealt with – the cause remains and its cure is unknown.

From Psalm 103: “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. He forgives all your sins and heals all your infirmities; he redeems your life from the grave and crowns you with mercy and loving kindness. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless his holy name!”

A part of our adventure in Colorado has been good times with friends from Denver. When we first arrived at the beginning of our trip, they took us to the incredible Body Worlds2 at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. This is the exhibit where actual cadavers are shown in various action poses, all muscles, nerves, inner organs, brains – everything is exposed. For example, a human figure was shown kicking a soccor ball and two graceful skaters were displayed executing the Death Spiral. A German doctor by the name of Gunther von Hagens invented Plastination, the method of anatomical preservation that replaces bodily fluids and fat in donor specimens with reactive fluid plastics. Before the plastics harden, Dr. von Hagens fixes the bodies into dynamic, lifelike poses. Smoker’s lungs and black lungs of a coal miner (looking very much like lung shapes of coal) were also shown, as well as every part of the human anatomy, both in healthy and unhealthy states.

When we went to Aspen, our friends joined us there for more adventures. Since all four of us are retired teachers of music it was great fun to do concerts together. (It was very satisfying to sort of cluck together, i.e. “too bad about the intonation in the second movement” or “they didn’t seem to be quite together – perhaps they didn’t have enough time to practice” as well as to all agree on how splendid most of the performances sounded.)

VIGNETTES
I was strolling through a shop in Aspen, and a little girl of about seven bumped into me as she briskly searched the designer racks – she yanked out a purple dyed suede leather mini skirt with fringe and held it aloft saying, “Mother, this is what I want.” The mother was two racks over, looking at shirts, and hanging on to the hand of a toddler who was playing with a shiny pink purse that had “Born to Shop” embroidered on the side of it, and her reply was, “ Why sweetie, that’s cute! Do you want to try it on?” It was really a garment designed for a small adult, but there you are.

Yesterday evening we were walking on the cobbled main street of Vail when we met a young woman walking alone up the hill. She was a bit past ample in size, and wearing a simple black dress with super high heeled shoes. The cobbles made her progress precarious, and with a look of pain around the corners of her attempt to look upbeat, she winced a little with every foot fall. I couldn’t help but wonder what her destination might be, and I sent a silent wish that her hopes for the evening would be fulfilled.

The reality check for this day is the news that the member of the Abendmusik Chorus in Lincoln who was diagnosed with cancer shortly after my MDS was identified, died last week. Both of us had signed up for the choir’s trip to Russia, and we visited about our chances of going as we did chemotherapy at the oncologist’s office. Charles and I canceled, but he didn’t – we decided that he really had courage and grit in his illness, never for a moment giving up or setting aside life. The choir had returned from the Russian tour just ten days before he died.

These past days have provided layers upon layers of experiences as we traveled to Colorado to spend time with our children and grandchildren at a lodge near Rocky Mountain National Park. There was the moment when we all gathered, safe and full of anticipation for the adventures ahead, and then the poignant scene of lining up waving and waving goodbye to John-paul, the first to leave the group. We ate together, laughed a great deal, and made a first acquaintance with the American Dipper, a most extraordinary bird. It is gray and about the size of a starling, with the ability to go under the water of the swiftly flowing river and stay there, emerging some distance downstream. It feeds on tiny plants on the river bottom, and this particular bird was feeding its’ fledge which sat upon a rock adjacent to the river, bouncing up and down with wings quivering and beak open. The bounce was determined to be the source of the name of the bird, rather than the dipping into the water, or so the bird book declared.

One of our events was a serendipitous decision to attend the Roof Top Rodeo at Estes Park where we watched a part of the cowboy’s folklore come alive in the bronco riding, the calf roping, and the Rodeo Princesses atop very beautiful horses, wearing glittering chaps, hats and shirts and repeatedly riding around the arena. Our granddaughters were enthralled. You could see the entire range of mountains from your seats and that was enhanced by a beautiful sunset reflecting upon huge cloud formations climbing up and over the peaks. With large sacks of $2.00 popcorn, the event was entirely memorable.

After saying goodbye to the dear ones, we drove over three mountain passes to Aspen to listen to grand music at their well-known music venues, and we will conclude our summer odyssey at Vail listening to the New York Philharmonic playing summer concerts at the Gerald Ford Amphitheater located there. The unforgettable beauty of mountains and music helps to buffer the end of our long-awaited gathering and return to life “as usual”. All is well with health issues – so much so, it is easy to forget that they exist at all.

(Michael Smith / AP )

Overcast skies have kept this day in July cool and still. There is a waiting for some sort of front to shake the waters from the clouds with even the restless willow trees standing motionless. Our yard is dominated by the yellow flowers of midsummer – large sunflowers near the bird feeders, blackeyed susans, yellow cone flowers, partridge peas, and lilies. Now the large moths and butterflies are making their appearances, with the tiger swallowtail holding the position of most dramatic in size and color. We watch parent birds impatiently moving away from the fledges – from the frantic “Here you are, sweetie” shoving of food into the demanding beaks, there is now a sense of “Go away – it’s over, you’re on your own.”

We’re getting ready for a road trip to Colorado where we will meet with the children and grandchildren and have good times together for a few days. Each morning I am feeling incrementally better as the body deals with the last “brutal wash of noxious elixir”. (John-paul’s words) I have instructions, telephone numbers, and sacks full of medications. It makes me smile to think of the term “traveling light” when one carries an entire satchel dedicated to such things.