December 1, 2009
I went back to read what happened a year ago, and at that time, I was looking toward the last attempt at Chemotherapy treatment. The hope was that it might stave off the movement of the disease into Acute Myeloid Leukemia. It did not, and here I am in “palliative care”, ingesting pounds of pain killers and looking at that morning face in the mirror and thinking, “Whoeee, this life is really aging me” along with “Hello Mama” because that is who I resemble now. A friend of mine who is quite learned in gerontology commented that as one grows older, segments of past life commence to replay inside the head. They are not invited, but simply show up randomly, and so it is for me. I will be walking in the woods and a long ago experience begins to walk with me. Sometimes it is something that I would change if I were given the opportunity to do so, sometimes, it is something that makes me smile. Then I look at Alphie with his dog’s brain that is all about the “Live in the Now” and remember that this philosophy is highly recommended for those such as myself. I willfully pull my thoughts back to the air, trees, grasses and other present things. The wonderful life of the mind – it does not occupy a great deal of physical space, but it contains within it everything that I have ever been and what I am now.
The day is sunny, and the weatherman on TV, seemingly pleased to have some changes to report, announced yesterday that this is the very last day of uncommon warmth. We do not look forward to cold winds, but we were not consulted as to our preferences. December commences, and with it the Advent season whispers, “Prepare your hearts, for your King is coming. . .” even while Christmas holiday trappings intensify at every corner of our public universe, trying to wrap us in tinsel and cookies, and fill our lives with countless distractions. If one can strip away all of that, it can be a lovely quiet time that concludes with the great burst of joy that is the best Birthday of all time.